


Remembering

by tienye



Category: Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 - Malloy, Voyná i mir | War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Heavy Angst, Original Character Death(s), descriptions of death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 15:15:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15888624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tienye/pseuds/tienye
Summary: Pierre returns home late for the anniversary of his mother's death. When visiting her grave, he remembers her death day.





	Remembering

Pierre stood in front of the marked grave, simply staring down at the headstone. He could feel the tears beginning to well in his eyes, as they always did when he visited the grave. The grave marking his mother's remains. It had been a little over 16 years now. Usually, he'd have visited her on the anniversary of her death, a date which Pierre never forgot due to it being ingrained into his mind, but given the...circumstances he was in, he was unable to. "Извини, что я опаздываю, мама." He whispered, smiling faintly, knowing she wouldn't have minded anyway. Still, she'd have appreciated his apology nonetheless. He hadn't called her Mama in years, he always shortened it. But now, he wished for a sense of nostalgia. He couldn't help the tears that fell, the sobs that began to choke him. God, he missed her so much...

\-----

_He remembered how they were with one another before she died. They were happy. Content. He had a good life. Not like the one he'd been leading in his current years. He remembered always being in awe when he was told who his real father was. A Count. The richest man in all of Russia. Pierre had asked to see him many times, but to no avail - his old man could never see him. He supposed it wasn't his reluctance to see his son, one of his many sons, just that the Count was a very, very busy man. It still didn't disappoint him any less when he was refused each time. That didn't mean the Count didn't write to him on the odd occasion. His dear mother's face when he saw her read the letter, even just the handwriting, it made her smile. So, so warmly._

\-----

Pierre never was one to bawl out in public, let alone even in the comfort of his own house. Except for when his father too had passed, that then caused him to break down. Hélène had found him, and promised never to speak of it. He doubted she ever would've, anyway, even without her promise not to. He still wasn't even sure what was so wrong about a man crying over his father's death anyway. No, his bawling was usually reserved for his mother. Whilst he loved the man dearly, longed to be with him, he didn't exactly have a good relationship with his father, so he felt he could not properly mourn a man he truly didn't know all that well. Yes, it was his mother's death that affected him so badly, and still did.

\-----

_He remembered finding out she'd fallen ill. He told himself each and every day she'd recover, but she never did. His mother's health seemed to become greater, before falling. Worse and worse each time. She truly had no hope of ever fully recovering, but Pierre still told himself each and every day she would. She would get better. She had to. She promised never to leave him._

\-----

"Я очень скучаю по тебе, мама." He managed to choke out. She didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve to die. She deserved to be _here_ to see her son become Count Bezukhov. She deserved to see her son's father before he passed on. She deserved to be here now. She shouldn't be dead.

\-----

_He remembered the day she died like it was yesterday. He'd returned home to find men adorned in black stood outside their house, the sight of them causing Pierre to run in, thinking he was too late. But his mother was still lying in her bed, weak, pale, death looming over her. The doctors could do nothing, not even as Pierre **begged** them to help her. It was too late, she was too close to death to be helped. He was all she had, the only person who seemed to hold him dear, he couldn't lose her. He remembers her last words as she clutched his hands, cupping his tear stricken cheeks. "Будь сильным, мой мальчик. Я всегда буду с тобой." After uttering those words to her dearest boy, her breathing began to even out, until eventually, her chest ceased to move, her eyelids slipped shut, her hand dropping from Pierre's. He remembers crying out, clutching his mother, fighting back against those who tried to pull him away. He would've chased after the carriage containing her if he wasn't held back. He cried and cried until he was too weak to fight back against those keeping him from her._

_No-one was of any solace to him for a while after that. Not even his father, not even Andrei. Count Bezukhov had taken him in out of pity, only to be convinced by **someone** to send him away for school. It hadn't gotten easier for him, dealing with the death of his mother. He didn't even know how he coped. Even just the thought of that awful night brought him to tears. How he'd cried and cried her for days on end afterwards, shut away in his room, hiding away from everyone, shouting "Уходи!" to anyone who knocked at his door. There were times when he forgot she was always with him, times he wasn't strong. He felt so guilty for disappointing her. He didn't always honour her one wish of him, her last wish._

\-----

"я прошу прощения, Мама, прости меня." He muttered, wiping his eyes, apologising for all the time she didn't honour her wish. Looking down at his hands, his shaking hands, he placed down the single tulip. They always were her favourites. "я люблю тебя, Мама." He said, smiling one last time through the tears that threatened to spill once more. He bent down, kissing the tips of his fingers, then placing his fingers on the top of her gravestone. He lingered there for a moment, before standing back up, casting one last smile down to her, slowly turning around, beginning his slow walk back out of the cemetery.

" _Я тоже тебя люблю, Пьер_ "

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I am supposed to be doing The Monsters And Men, but. I had the idea for this and I just *couldn't* let it rest. 
> 
> Translations:  
> "Извини, что я опаздываю, мама. - I'm sorry I'm late, Mama."  
> "Я очень скучаю по тебе, мама" - "I really miss you, Mama"  
> "Будь сильным, мой мальчик. Я всегда буду с тобой - Be strong, my boy. I will always be with you."  
> "Уходи! - Go away!"  
> "я прошу прощения, Мама, прости меня" - "I'm sorry, Mama, forgive me."  
> "я люблю тебя, Мама" - "I love you, Mama"  
> "Я тоже тебя люблю, Пьер" - "I love you too, Pierre"


End file.
